Article by Ashwita Goel, Reiki Master
Across healing modalities, one aspect remains common: one is not allowed to heal another without consent. And yet, this is probably the most flagrantly violated one too, as we give in to desires to ‘fix’ another person. Not only is this a violation of their free will, but it also brings with it consequences that could affect us physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
To understand the need for permission from all angles, let us start with ourselves.
Why Do We Want to Help?
A desire to help others is seen as a virtue, but a desire to help others when they haven’t yet asked for it is another ballgame altogether. If we look inwards carefully enough, we realise that a desire to help others comes from a desire to feel good about ourselves. Think about a situation where you helped someone and there was absolutely no acknowledgement or gratitude in return, just complete indifference. If indifference in response to help hurts, that means there was an ulterior motive – the desire to feel superior in some way.
Another common factor which brings about a desire to help others is much darker: a complete unacceptance of another’s flaws. Most of the times we feel quite justified in wanting another to change, like trying to get a friend or brother to quit smoking against his will, for instance. We might want this person to change, we think ‘for his own good’. But all we’re really doing here is rejecting this person as he is, and thus bringing down his potential for healing: for through rejection of his current state we take away any supportive energy we provide. Such help is also a complete violation of free will and brings with it serious karmic/ energetic consequences.
Why Do People Reject Help?
There are various reasons why people reject your help. For one, you might not be helping at all, you might actually be interfering. A typical sign that we’re interfering and not helping is when a person rejects all our suggestions. It is a clear sign we need to back off.
Even when we are being genuinely helpful, the other person might not be ready yet to receive help. All of us go through a period of ‘shock’ when faced with a problem, and we need a little time to acknowledge the gravity of the situation and find enough stability to take action. If someone tries to help before this stage is reached, they will be met with rejection – much like a person who has fallen and hasn’t yet reached out to a helping hand because of pain or shock. Just like pulling a person up before they’re ready can cause greater damage to their bodies, forcefully helping people ‘cope’ with their problems can create damage – to their mental/ emotional state as well as our relationship with them. When we embrace their rejection of our offer to help gracefully, we subconsciously convey that we respect their space, trust their strength, and are available the moment they seek our assistance.
Permission is Important
I’ve seen many healers work around this by ‘taking permission from the higher self’ and sending healing subject to the other person’s desire to receive. This still is a violation if there is no conscious consent. Imagine that you are going through a very rough patch and someone offers to bring you food. You say no, only to have them leave food at your doorstep every morning saying ‘you can take it or throw it away’. How would you feel towards such a person?
Many of us choose difficult challenges in our lives to learn some tough lessons. One has to sometimes hit rock bottom in many ways – financially, in relationships, breaking down physically or mentally, experiencing complete isolation, etc. Until a person has reached this stage, they will reject all help because they know at a deeper level that things are not yet as bad as they were supposed to get. By forcing our way through to help, we not only violate the choices of their higher self, but we also make it clear that we aren’t really there for them because we are judging their journey. So when this person will really need our help, they will not reach out.
Are There Exceptions?
Permission is not required if a person is unconscious or comatose. Those with serious mental disorders such as schizophrenia and bipolar are incapable of realizing that something is wrong with them, so it is alright to heal them without permission and they respond quite beautifully to healing. Obviously, healing a suicidal person does not warrant consent. Ditto for animals, plants and objects.
Healing children below the age of 5 is fine as long as there is consent from parents, although in almost all cases I have worked with, sick children indicate parents need healing. It is not as powerful healing a sick child as it is healing his or her parents because children pick up negative energy from parents and healing the parents heals the problem at its source.
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Having learned Meditation as a child, Ashwita incorporated Reiki into her life during her early teens. After a decade of witnessing the magic Reiki, she felt compelled to take up Reiki professionally, and ended her corporate career in 2007, taking up Reiki full-time. She eventually incorporated EFT, hypnotherapy and past life therapy into her work. Apart from her healing work, she teaches Reiki and meditation, and her book ‘Healing Through Reiki’ is available on Amazon. You can connect with her through Facebook https://www.facebook.com/Reiki.Bangalore,
her website http://www.reiki-bangalore.com/ or visit her blog http://www.ashwita.com/zen/.