When I became a Reiki Master, I had no idea that I would have to do the most difficult, humane thing for a being that I loved dearly. I had no idea after it was done, that I would feel ill from the grief.
I had bottle fed Toulouse when he was a four week old kitten. In short, he was my magical kitty who loved meditating with me, and who loved Reiki so much that he let me practice giving attunements on him. He wanted my crystals and was so proud when I finally let him have a couple of them to wear around his neck on a collar. He was so expressive, and highly intelligent; it was uncanny the level of intelligence. Toulouse was my baby boy, my dear friend.
He was in hospice care for a couple of weeks due to a mass in his lungs, that was likely cancer, and other health issues. He was 15 ½ years old. When it became clear that it was time to schedule euthanasia, we did so, yet that’s not how it played out. The time of passing began before the scheduled time. My 18 year old child called me and their dad into the bathroom, where Toulouse was struggling badly to breathe after attempting to use the litter box.
We spoke reassuring words to him, all of us crying with love and compassion through the whole process. “You’re a good boy, you did a good job, you’re okay, we’re okay, you can go now. We love you. We love you. ”
I ran Reiki, to help ease the pain, to loosen the hold his body had on his spirit, disentangling it.
“Go gently. Go gently.” I whispered, softly stroking his brow.
At three points there were different levels of relaxation. The first being, exhaustion from the struggle to breathe; the awkward sustained stretching of the neck. The second being when I spoke the words “we’re okay” – our Toulouse took taking care of us very seriously and he needed reassurance that he wasn’t leaving us bereft. The third being the moment there was no mental resistance to me using Reiki to ease the pain of separation from body and spirit. That’s when he stilled, going gently, gently, as gently as could be, with two last shuddering breaths, spaced out.
I used my healing hands to let him go.
I used my healing hands to help him die.
I used my healing hands to help him crossover.
Reiki is the Universe Life Force Energy.
Life force energy. Force energy. Energy.
Energy cannot be created nor destroyed.
Energy simply is.
And thus, when dense matter, like the body, can no longer sustain its shape, then comes the transition of one form into another. The Life Force Energy that is Toulouse still exists, there’s simply no container for him here in dense matter anymore.
It is a bittersweet experience to have used Reiki this way.
A blessing that hurts so much.
Healing isn’t always easy. Especially when the most healing thing you can do is let someone you love very much go.
When I ran Reiki to help Toulouse transition, I felt calm. I simply knew what needed to be done and I did it, crying and sharing loving words, right along with my family. It wasn’t until later that the magnitude of what I had done hit me.
I didn’t want to share, but I kept feeling that push to share anyway, so, I share. While I am grateful that I was able to help ease the pain of passing, I am also so very very sad. I miss Toulouse terribly. Sometimes, when I think about his final moments, I feel physically ill. I let the grief wash over me, and I run self-Reiki again, and I remember the words of Shauna Janz. “You don’t need to heal from your grief, you need your grief to heal.”
Article by Ruth Renate “Lady of Radiant Joy” Davidson
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Ruth Renate “Lady of Radiant Joy” Davidson is a Reiki Master/Teacher who combines Reiki with other body-work, earth-based energy healing practices, and meditation. She loves working with her Divine Team and helping people connect with their Divine Team, including spirit animal guides. She teaches Tarot Energy Healing.
You can also connect with her on Instagram @ladyofradiantjoy and on her website www.ladyofradiantjoy.org. Ruth’s soul vow is: “I Accept All Things for the Preservation, Healing, and Growing, of LOVE.”