Reiki’s Greatest Gifts – The Art of Holding Space

Article by Vicky Roncero

My father passed away nine weeks ago and I have not been able to type those words or bring myself to write anything about it. But, I need to take a moment to express how grateful I am to have been able to share Reiki with him and how profound it was in his transition. Reiki was helpful on so many levels, that I now feel even more empowered to want to share my journey and this beautiful energy with as many people as I can reach. I truly believe that Reiki is a fundamental piece of the puzzle in understanding death as a transition, and in understanding that we are so much more than our human selves. And, to me, that is the key to understanding the meaning of our lives.

In the last few years, my Dad was suffering from progressive COPD, which meant that his lungs were compromised and breathing was becoming difficult. This naturally would increase his anxiety. When we’d be together, I would do Reiki on him, as I was desperate to want to bring him some level of relief. My Dad was a surgeon and his ideas and principals were very based in science and intellect. So, I was thrilled that he was willing to be open and give Reiki a chance. Each time I would visit, I would do Reiki on him and he would enjoy it. But, it was impossible to know if the Reiki was just calming his nerves a bit, or giving us some bonding time, or truly making a measurable difference… until it was literally measured. In the last six days of his life, we were in ICU, in the hospital, where I was doing Reiki around the clock. He was connected to monitors measuring his vitals, and one was tracking his pulse rate. When we would notice the number go up, I would do Reiki and we would watch the numbers go down, right before our eyes… from 110 to 68… and it was validated. The Reiki was most definitely easing his anxiety and calming his nerves. It was so beautiful to be able to share this with him and feel helpful, at a time where it is so easy to feel helpless. Even the nurse staff was impressed with the results.

When someone you love is suffering, you want to do anything possible to help them feel better. Often, family members can feel frustrated, or frozen with fear and feel guilty for not doing more. My family had seen my Dad through several surgeries, over the past few years, and he had bounced back from unthinkable circumstances. While my family was desperately hoping for a miracle, I knew the most important thing we could do was to hold space for my Dad. And, I am so grateful for Reiki training to have taught me what this means.

I never realized what a powerful gift holding space truly is.

We all live our lives so plugged in, so crunched for time and in such a hurry to accomplish something and feel worthwhile. When someone is in transition, what he or she needs most is your energy. They simply need your energy in the room with them. And, that doesn’t mean sitting and texting, or reading a book… although that is okay in small doses… holding space means being fully present in the moment, with your energy. Just simply giving yourself and your time to this situation.

When I took Reiki 3, my teacher would have former graduates come and hold space for the current class. At first, I was very confused as to why they were there… 4 or 5 people, just sitting in the room… not really saying anything. I had a hard time imagining what they were adding to the situation, or what they were gaining from the situation. But, boy was I wrong. I completely understood when it was my turn to hold space for new students. I left class feeling so drained and exhausted. I couldn’t believe how simply sitting all day could leave me feeling more tired than I did after a long workout. But, with a new understanding of energy, it made total sense. The new students were nervous, excited and maybe even fearful of what they were entering into. Our energy, as space holders, was grounding. We were conduits for them and we felt drained because our energy was being offered to them. Holding space is a selfless act of love.

The idea of holding space and allowing someone in need to access your energy is a beautiful offering. And, it is an important piece of understanding Reiki and how energy works. This concept was most helpful when my Dad was in the hospital, during his final days. When you are holding space with awareness and you are capable of channeling Reiki energy, you are able to tap into source energy, to replace your own, to find the strength you need to keep holding up for others. It is like you are both a conduit and a channel. You are receiving what you need from Reiki, tapping into universal life source energy… and are allowing yourself to be tapped into, by the person in need of this energy and light.

I felt honored to be able to do this for my Dad, as I held space for him. And, I wanted my family members to realize that they didn’t need to go and do anything to try to help my Dad… they just had to hold space and they were doing everything. When we would all be in the room, the energy was very powerful. We even sang songs and shared memories and the moments were magic.

I thank my Reiki training for teaching me this valuable concept. It was so powerful to put it into practice.

In addition to being able to calm anxiety and to hold space, Reiki was so helpful in understanding the spiritual connection of a transition. I have been working with Reiki for several years now and during that time, Reiki truly has become a portal to higher consciousness and an understanding that you are a soul with a body, not a body with a soul. You begin to get so many messages and validation that this human experience, is only a piece of who we are and our energy is infinite.

In the room with my Dad, I could most definitely feel energies from other realms entering our space and connecting with his energy. I knew the time for his soul to be released from his body, was coming close. I knew that I had to disconnect from my role as a daughter who would do anything to save him… and connect more deeply with my role as a soul, who loves him unconditionally and wanted to help guide his soul to the other side. In other words, I needed to get out of my own way and not let the heartbreak I was feeling alter my ability to help him transition. I knew he had to leave this space, but I felt very confident he was moving to a different one. I knew it would be most difficult for those of us who were left behind, but I knew he was being greeted with love and peace. I had to control my emotions, as I helped him with his journey.

I still don’t think I have processed the human experience of losing my Dad. I would do anything for one more day with him… to feel his arms give me a big hug. But, I feel my soul is at peace with his. I feel that we most definitely came into this Earth in the same soul circle and it was in my soul contract to help him in this way. I am grateful for Reiki in my life, to help me look for signs and messages from him. And, I know I need to be gentle with myself, as my human self and my family learn to accept his passing and learn to move forward with life on Earth without him physically being here. But, I know without a doubt, that he is always with us. He is in our energy each and every day. His life and legacy lives on through the love and memories we have from being with him.

No one knows when it is their time to transition. But, one thing I believe to be true is that it is truly a passing… a transition and a next chapter. The key is making sure to enjoy the journey! And, our purpose in this realm is to help each other to be the highest version of ourselves that we can possibly be.

I know most of you are light workers and have the opportunity to share Reiki each day. I’m so grateful to be part of this community. It’s truly a blessing.

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Vicky Roncero is a Usui Reiki Master Practitioner/Instructor, with a practice in Upper Montclair, New Jersey. She has been working with clients to control stress and anxiety, heal from injury and illness and maintain wellness through Reiki. Vicky has worked as a television producer for over twenty years and has always been drawn to energy work, as she feels everyone’s energy tells a story. Regulating our energy helps us make the choices that create the next chapters of our lives. She lives in Montclair, New Jersey, with her two children and husband. You can contact Vicky through her website ronceroreiki.com or by email at [email protected]