As healers or coaches, we may find ourselves in the delicate space between truth and illusion—both our own and that of the people who come to us for help. Many people believe they are telling the truth, but what if they are simply unaware of the deeper layers of self-deception? Can we really detect when someone is lying, either to themselves or to us? And more importantly, how do we respond in a way that is helpful?
The Subtle Signs of Self-Deception
Most lies aren’t conscious. They emerge from a deep need to protect the self, to maintain a particular identity, or to avoid uncomfortable truths. When someone is lost in their own false narrative, they aren’t necessarily trying to deceive others—they are deceiving themselves first.
Some signs of self-deception include:
- Over-explaining or justifying their position too much
- Inconsistencies in their emotional expression and their words
- Strong emotional reactions when their narrative is questioned
- Shifting blame outward while avoiding any responsibility
In contrast, people who knowingly lie often:
- Show subtle microexpressions of guilt, fear, or defensiveness
- Use vague or overly elaborate language
- Avoid direct eye contact or hold it too long in an attempt to appear confident
However, none of these are foolproof indicators, and that’s where deep listening and intuition come into play.
Tuning into Emotional Truth
Rather than focusing on catching a lie, I have found it far more effective to tune into the emotions behind someone’s words. Often, people may say one thing, but what they truly feel is something else entirely. If you sit with them long enough, listening beyond their words, their deeper truth begins to emerge.
For instance, someone might claim to be at peace with a breakup, yet every muscle in their body is tense, and their voice shakes when they talk about it. In these moments, rather than confronting them with their contradiction, I reflect back what I sense: “It sounds like you’re saying you’re fine, but I can feel a lot of sadness underneath. Does that feel true to you?”
By gently pointing them toward their deeper feelings, they often begin to realize their own hidden truths.
Should You Tell Clients the Truth?
Not everyone is ready to hear the truth. If someone is deeply attached to their version of reality, challenging them directly can create resistance and even damage trust. The key is to meet people where they are, within the frame of their own reality, and gently open the door for introspection.
There are three possible ways to handle such situations:
- Let them vent – Sometimes, people just need to talk. In such cases, it is not our role to correct them, but simply to listen and create space for them to process their own thoughts.
- Gently reflect their inconsistencies – If we sense openness, we might ask a question that nudges them toward self-examination: “It sounds like you feel completely justified in your anger, but I’m also hearing that you feel guilty. How do those two things fit together for you?”
- Offer the truth when they are ready – If someone is genuinely seeking transformation and willing to take responsibility, a more direct approach is useful.
The People Who Resist Change
Some people simply do not want to change, and that is their choice. The ones who resist accountability, shift blame, and refuse to look within often do not resonate with my approach. Over time, I have come to accept that I cannot help everyone, and I do not need to. My job is to support those who are truly ready to heal.
This realization has been freeing. I no longer feel responsible for “fixing” people. Instead, I focus on being a mirror, reflecting back what they need to see—when they are ready to see it.
Setting Up Energetically
There are two things that we can do as Reiki practitioners to improve the willingness to change. Setting a strong intention that Reiki bring us the clients that are sincere and work on themselves can bring an inflow of better quality clients and make therapeutic work much more rewarding.
Flooding the room with energy before and after the session improves the client’s mood and reduces the tendencies for any kind of deception, self or otherwise. It also helps to send healing to the session in advance for the truths to come out – this is particularly powerful if we are trying to resolve conflicts between a couple. It also helps when a client has been forced to come for a session.
Finally…
Detecting lies is not about playing detective; it’s about deep listening, patience, and allowing people to arrive at their own truths. Healing happens not by exposing someone’s self-deception but by creating an environment where they feel safe enough to see it for themselves.
Not everyone will be ready for the truth, and that’s okay. The ones who are ready will find their way, and when they do, we will be there, holding the space for their transformation.
Article by Ashwita Goel, Reiki Master
Having learned Meditation as a child, Ashwita incorporated Reiki into her life during her early teens. After a decade of witnessing the magic Reiki, she felt compelled to take up Reiki professionally, and ended her corporate career in 2007, taking up Reiki full-time. She eventually incorporated EFT, hypnotherapy and past life therapy into her work. Apart from her healing work, she teaches Reiki and meditation, and her book ‘Healing Through Reiki’ is available on Amazon. She holds regular full moon and new moon meditations at @AshwitaGoel. Her website is www.reiki-bangalore.com and her blog www.ashwita.com
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