Article by Ashwini Chubé
Bereavement, Grief and Failure of plans
2019 for me was a year when my plans failed, I reached rock bottom and I had no choice other than surrendering to the Universe. 6 months spent in grief, trauma and absolute darkness – but this period taught me the value of trusting the Universe and being in allowance
When things go terribly wrong
We live in a culture where setting goals taking actions equals to getting achievements. As a coach and an ex Investment banker, I have always been a planner and an action taker since my MBA days. Of course I do believe in setting goals and manifestations. In fact, a large chunk of my professional work too talks about Goal setting, Manifestation work and tools and techniques. However, learnings for 2019 were understanding the truth of Surrender and completely giving up control
When everything collapsed for me
In June July 2019 I took a trip to the UK for my cousin’s wedding. I decided to explore my work globally and also take time out to finish on my targets for 2019. I had a detailed and organised to-do list: write my long pending book, finish my upcoming workshop notes, write articles which I began writing, make motivational videos and innumerable blog posts. It was perfect. I was sitting in my hotel room and making notes on my laptop. Some days I was sitting in a beautiful local Park with paper pen and writing my book chapters. And some other days I was shooting Motivational videos outdoors. Everything was going so well as per my plans. I was doing so much research for my workshops, meeting people who were doing similar work…I was thanking the Universe every single moment when I was walking on the street enjoying the summer in London. I was full of creative ideas all the time even when I was traveling on the tube or grabbing a cup of tea with some shortbreads at some quaint little cafe. I had worked hard for this trip. I had taken extra workshops and seminars burning the midnight oil for this trip.
So I had this plan – I ll work on the Workshop notes. Come back to India and launch new Workshops with a bang. Finish my book … edit it, find a publisher – and publish it. I was so lucky and so creative. Life felt perfect. But then an unfortunate twist happened. I had to cut my trip short as my father had to get hospitalised back in India.
Everything changed in 10 days after I reached India. I lost my Dad. The person whom I loved the most in the entire world, with whom I had my best memories growing up and living my life. My Dad was the epitome of goodness, love, and happiness, my pillar of support and strength – a friend, philosopher, and guide. Loveable father and my supreme hero he is – we had to bid him goodbye. It was the toughest thing I have ever gone through.
I and my family went through all emotions right from shock trauma extreme grief sadness anger loneliness fear and everything in between following this loss. It was really difficult to even comprehend what was going on in our life. My mind was so fogged I even lost control of what day of the week or month or the year.
I have seen lots of ups and downs in the last 5 years as a Reiki Practitioner and Grandmaster, but the worst of all pains is losing a parent. It shatters you beyond what you can imagine. Losing your father can be the worst and most traumatic thing ever. It is like losing the roof above your head.
Difficult times do not come announced nor are we given life skills to cope with them. My world came tumbling down and for all that I did I could not heal the wound. Inspite of having a strong support system of family and friends who were there for me, my mom and my sister the magnitude of grief could not be comprehended.
However, to deal and cope up with the loss here are a few tips
- You ‘ll definitely not be in a mood of doing anything specific – but push yourself extra to read healing books
- Books can be your best friends in such difficult times. I read the following books which helped me find Solace
- Superattractor by Gabriel Bernstein
- Healing your Aloneness by Erika J Chopich (Author), Dr. Margaret Paul PH.D. (Author)
- Laws of the spirit world – Khorshed Bhavnagri
- Be gentle on yourself and go with the flow. Reach out to close friends/family for support if needed but also be with yourself. Respect all the emotions you are feeling. Ask Archangel Azrael to heal you and your loved ones to help you cope with grief
- Use Reiki Emotional symbol SHK over Sacral, Heart and Ajna chakra to help receive Reiki
- Use CKR over Root chakra to ground you
- If you have Reiki friends – please ask them to send you Reiki too – this works really well in difficult times
- Drink lots and lots of water to avoid dehydration
I started routinely working to keep my mind distracted by beginning my workshops – thanks to some wonderful participants who insisted me to take workshops for them. Access Bars and Reiki workshops went extremely well none of them were planned and working for them made me temporarily change focus. I started sharing content on my Facebook and Instagram pages to keep my work active.
- But what about my plans?
- What about my book?
- or my newest course- which I was planning to launch on ‘8/8 Lions Gate’?
- What about all the videos I had recorded in London and the?
- What about all the research I did for future workshops?
Well, what happens when things don’t go as per your plans?
Or what happens when you simply feel as if you are thrown down from a cliff of happiness into pits of extreme overwhelming grief?
I had no clue what was next. Even though I was working on my workshops I had no clue when was I launching them. Emotions come in waves. Where some days I and my family are extremely normal and then there are those pits of darkness and grief where we are feeling there will never be any joy ever. And amidst all this chaos – God gives strength to stand up again and face life.
I realised one thing in this – as I had read in Gabby Bernstein’s “ Universe has your back”. To restore connections to the Universe you have to loosen your grip. Which actually means that we cannot control what cannot be controlled. We cannot control what happens when it happens. We cannot control what we can do next.
Inspite of proper planning – having all resources time, money, creativity things hadn’t worked for me. I have trusted the Universe even when things seemed terrible. I have trusted the Universe and its timing even when I felt there was just darkness.
Here is what we can do when you feel powerless and plans get shattered
- Accept the things are this way and your plans have temporarily failed. And it is ok for plans to go bust. Give up your control. In such times we realise that how much ever we try to control the situation it cannot be controlled.
- Recognise that you are “powerless” as Gabrielle Bernstein says “When you have recognised you are powerless – you get empowered”
- Give yourself unconditional love, support and stop being hard on yourself. It is very difficult but you have to be there for yourself and give yourself more and more unconditional love. I have used Reiki symbols on my Heart and Throat chakra to help me deal with difficult emotions and they have definitely helped me. My to-go symbols are the Master symbol and the Emotional Healing symbol.
- Replan your work. At this point of time, you can only make new plans while still flowing with life. Do not be hard on yourself. Take things easy.
- Take baby steps. Even if it means getting up from the bad and showering – that is a step. Appreciate yourself for all of it. Do 1 task every day.
- Take your hands of the steering wheel and stop controlling the situation. Trust that there is a higher power and it has a higher plan for all of us.
- Pray. Pray in whatever form you can and trust the Universe has not abandoned you. In my article on Surrender – I have written about the Surrender prayer. Repeating it again “Dear God, Universe, Angels, Spirit Guides, Reiki masters – I know you are working on my request and there is a reason it hasn’t happened yet. I trust everything is happening at the right time and I am at the right place. I trust you and surrender the outcome of this situation, to you. I know everything is happening exactly as per the divine timing and I surrender the situation to you”
- Journal a lot. Write your thoughts on paper and invite the energy of the divine to guide you to make things better.
Losing a loved one can be a difficult experience. Nothing can fill up the void and even time cannot heal the wound. We only learn to live without them. But always remember as JK Rowling Says: “The ones who love us never really leave us, you can always find them in here.”
I hope this article helps you and gives you all the needed support in difficult times.
Sending love to all my readers
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Ashwini Chube is a Motivational Speaker, Life Transformation Trainer, Wellness coach, Spiritual Teacher, Access Consciousnesses Bars Facilitator & Reiki Grandmaster. Ashwini is also a Writer, an avid blogger and is currently working on her 2 upcoming self help and spiritual books.
She has founded the company Unicorn Insight with a vision to create a world where the world runs on consciousness, joy abundance and love instead of fear, lack and scarcity. Ashwini's mission is to empower individuals to know who they truly and authentically are and help them tap in their power. Unicorn Insight has been instrumental in transformations of lives - whether it is through individual one on one coachings, group workshops, corporate trainings or motivational talks.
Ashwini is a former Investment banker and holds an MBA in finance having worked in Corporate world of Banking and Mergers and Acquisitions with Banks like Morgan Stanley and RBS for 8 years in Mumbai and London before she pursued her calling in 2015.
Get in touch with Ashwini through her Website: www.unicorninsight.com or at firstname.lastname@example.org. Her Facebook page is: facebook.com/ashwinichubeofficial