Self Forgiveness. Do You Need It?

Self-forgiveness wasn’t a concept I thought I needed to embrace. I was wrong. After years of taking therapy and yoga, in hopes to heal my anxiety and depression, I still sensed something painful was holding me back. Eventually, defeat set in and I felt as though I’d never truly be healed or happy. Then came Reiki. The beautiful catalyst that ripped my world apart and exposed me to the depths of my sadness. Reiki. Giving me a bird’s eye view into the fight or flight based decisions I made as a child. Reiki. Teaching me that the healing practices I exercised up until this point weren’t a waste, but preparation for the deep healing that Reiki was going to open me up too. Has opened me up too.

Sitting with my laptop in hand, in what seems like rock bottom, I’m here to tell you that it’s not so bad down here. Rock bottom is seen as a hole in the dirt, but it is so much more than that. Once I was able to put my sadness aside and dust myself off, I found that behind the muddy walls were beautiful gems of wisdom and truth. A hole filled with light, love, and the potential for vulnerability. While being in this place can be painful and at times traumatic, it gives a person the opportunity to look at their life with honest eyes. Forgiving eyes. And hopefully, this can be a place where we leave our baggage and guilt behind.

Guilt is a natural human trait. Everyone has a guilt barometer with a pointer that lands anywhere from 0 – 100, depending on the situation and personal triggers. The ego has the ability to place a memory at the forefront of your mind after months (even years) and that pointer could land on the same number it did when you first made the “mistake”. I know this to be true. Not just because of my own personal experience with Reiki and therapy, but because almost every Reiki client I’ve worked with have spent their lives in a state of guilt, shame, and/or blame. The word that sums it up? Inadequacy.

Gratitude journals, positive affirmations, and mantras are all wonderful in the process of healing and maintaining. There is no doubt about that. Though before I could allow the gratitude and mantras to ring true on a deep level, I needed to begin my journey at forgiveness. Forgiveness of the self.

One morning I was listening to Louise L. Hay’s 101 Power Thoughts. This is a morning ritual of mine that I never tire of. The power though I’m meant to marinate on that day or week gleams like a jewel amongst the rubble. “Forgiveness of myself and others releases me of the past…”. I sat on this thought for a long moment, then asked myself, “What am I still blaming myself for?”. I started with the ego imposed thoughts that were swirling around my brain as of late, and it didn’t take long for my mind to remind me of moments I hadn’t thought of in years. Thirty forgiveness lines and many pages later, I had a true sense of freedom. My shoulders calmed, I could breathe a little easier, and I felt bliss at the point where my Solar Plexus and Heart Chakra meet. Finally, it felt as if I was purposefully on the path of healing.

Process of Forgiveness:

Materials:
Journal/Paper
Pen/Pencil

My Steps to Forgiveness:

1. Awareness
Write out past events which are connected to guilt, blame, and/or judgment that comes to your mind on a daily or weekly basis. Your role in these incidences can be Victim or Culprit. Get it all out in the open.

2. Take responsibility
Take full ownership of the situation(s) you’re holding onto. The victim story can be the most challenging to take responsibility for, but it’s vital on the path to freedom. We cannot control anyone’s actions or words, but we can take control by acknowledging our part. This can be a powerful experience if you’re open.

3. Acceptance
There are no mistakes, just choices that garner results. Accept each situation from the past as one that was meant to happen. Knowing and trusting that if it were meant to happen any differently, it would have.

4. Forgiveness
One by one, line by line, write out every event or thought you are ready to forgive yourself for. Write this in as little or as much detail as you need for it to truly be released.

Some of mine…
I forgive myself for closing my heart
I forgive myself for being sad
I forgive myself for not trusting love
I forgive myself for not having it all together
I forgive myself for believing I’m supposed to have it all together
I forgive myself for feeling like I failed at my relationship

5. Gratitude
Create a list of the things you are grateful for in this moment. The chair you’re sitting on, the sun shining through the window, your pet. Don’t forget to allow yourself to feel grateful for taking these steps, regardless of the outcome. Whether this method works for you or not, it’s important to thank yourself. Efforts provide results. Always. Even if this effort is a catalyst, leading you to the method(s) that will truly heal you.

The beautiful thing about healing is that it does not discriminate against age, race or gender. There is never a bad time or a wrong moment to make the decision to forgive yourself for the past. Life constantly offers up opportunities for growth, but all we see are muddy walls. Adjust your focus, my loves, because beneath the walls of mud, are gems to help us reach our truth. The truth that we are worthy. We are love. We are joy.

Article by Ku’ulei Shafee

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Ku’ulei Shafee is a Reiki Master Teacher and founder of Voijour – Reiki Healing. Voijour is passionate about healing generational trauma by providing people with the tools for inner awareness and healing, allowing clients to truly love themselves and live a more honest life. On a never-ending journey of introspection and learning, Ku’ulei discovered that change is possible and bettering her surrounding environment began within. Her inner growth is what inspired her to create the “40 Days of Healing the Child Within” program. Utilizing Reiki, personalized homework and mentorship, this one on one healing series provides clients with in-depth insight into the root causes of childhood wounds and the guidance to heal the pain that has been holding them back from living their most fulfilling life. Visit www.Voijour.com to receive more information about how you can jumpstart your healing today!
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