Article by Anna Marks
It’s that kind of love where Cupidon’s arrow hits you right in the center of your soul, having visions, past live scenes running through your mind with you two making deep commitments and sharing sacred moments. After eons of separation, you finally met. Now what?
Some might describe it as a soul mate, cosmic lover, the other half. In fact, it might be karma so pay attention! If you know yourself as being an empath, as going on your spiritual journey and projecting on the outside world the inner work that needs to be done, please look twice before falling for those “cosmic lovers”.
Usually, empaths attract narcissists. While the empath starts loving deep and unconditional, the narcissist has no intention of developing a stronger connection but feeds that “special bond that is impossible to break” illusion for the empath. Narcissists love this constant attention and the control, love to be the sole center of the empath’s universe, feel satisfied when people are obsessed with them.
What happens is that the narcissist will start a very well developed manipulation scheme to break the empath’s self-esteem. And it’s very hard for the empath to see it because the narcissist will never openly attack the empath; all on the contrary, the narcissist will make the empath believe that he/she is doing all possible to keep the relationship going despite all the tests and obstacles put by God itself to prove their love to each other. The narcissist will always present him/herself as the victim of the situation, the knight in shining armor who’s fighting dragons to rescue the damsel aka the empath.
The empath truly is in love so he/she will believe everything the narcissist is saying, will try to help, take care of, cheer up, understand the narcissist even with the most outrageous ideas and behaviors. “There must be a good reason why he/she’s doing it. I just don’t understand it yet! He/she is protecting our bond. There are forces which I cannot understand.” The empath will find excuses for the narcissist’s behavior because feels receiving unconditional love from him/her. In fact, what is felt is empath’s own unconditional love towards the relationship.
As time goes by, all the connection will be about what the narcissist wants, feels, desires, and so on. The empath starts to see something is not ok with the entire situation, but the attraction is very strong and keeps pleasing the narcissist even though isn’t happy in the relationship. Maybe the empath will start giving even more affection, devotion, effort, love, and care, but remember! – the more gives the empath, the more feels in control the narcissist.
When the breaking point is reached and the empath finally wakes up and speaks the inner truth about his/her feelings with the narcissist, the narcissist will call them crazy, delusional, over-dramatic, egoic, unconscious, limited, dismissing any of the empath’s efforts to save the relationship and manipulating again to regain the control. The empaths fail in understanding this behavior and will start blaming themselves for everything that goes wrong in the relationship – I’m not good enough, I’m not worthy of love, I’m not special enough to be with him/her, I could have done it better, so on… Unfortunately, they fail to accept that they are being manipulated once again. Narcissists have a twisted way of reality in their minds and usually make the empaths doubt their own perception and sanity.
Honest communication with a narcissist is pointless. The blame will always be passed to the empath. Empaths should accept the situation and their feelings of being confused, lost, deeply hurt, accepting their role as healers and acknowledging their inner strength to overcome any challenge they might face.
In the end, when probably will be too late – since the empath always tries and tries, going against the wind – the empath will realize that the narcissist doesn’t deserve their affection, love, and care. Accepting the narcissist will never change and never open up to anybody will be a painful revelation and awakening for the empath. Here’s the end of a toxic relationship between two cosmic/karmic lovers.
My personal story
To exemplify the words above, I will share with you my own story – the story of an empath loving a narcissist.
As an empath myself, I had a toxic relationship with a spiritual narcissist and I can tell you from experience that one can literally lose its sanity. They have a well developed spiritual ego and plenty manipulative methods to get what they want from you and actually from anybody who can be of any use to their personal purposes and desires of feeling important and special.
When I first met him, I had the inner impulse to walk away because I wasn’t feeling ok around his presence. I felt a high dosage of possessiveness and control, the desire to be adored. So I made him understand I’m not interested in a relationship with him but after a few months I found myself under some sort of spell – his energy was attracting me like a magnet. I felt light, warm, Home with him, all of a sudden. I was simply enchanted! Back then I was feeling everything was deeply synchronized between us and like we were the last two humans on Earth.
Very often he was traveling around the world since he was a spiritual master organizing workshops and retreats. But despite all the adverse circumstances between us that kept on coming, he told me about his really strong feelings towards me, that he feels a powerful connection, he saw myself in his past lives where we’ve had many powerful experiences together, that we are connected beyond the human understanding, and so on. And I believed it because I felt it too. Our connection became really strong. A few days were felt like lifetimes.
But a love this pure is often tested, right? Tests came up really fast and every meeting was bringing even more resistance from outside world. You know those movies like “The Thorn Birds”, “Bajirao Mastani”, “The Adjustment Bureau”, all speaking about forbidden love, these were our movies. We were fighting with the destiny to keep our love shine one more second.
It took me one year and a half to wake up and see how I had lost myself for him. A special bond which in fact was kept mostly by my actions and always only by his words. He was comfortable in this relationship because he wasn’t doing anything for us but asking everything from me. „I wish things were different to live happily ever after with you in our unique world. Nobody can understand me like you do. We are different than the rest. The others cannot perceive our love.” And although I was making all the sacrifices, he always manipulated the situations to look like he was, in fact, doing a massive sacrifice for us and I should be thankful for that to him.
After a powerful spiritual workshop made while he was in the country, I said to him I don’t want to keep things like this. “You don’t honor and respect me!” So I left and I was very anchored in my decision, knowing it was a great one, but he started calling me like crazy, writing me. So I said to myself – well, maybe he really loves me but poor guy, carrying the faith of the universe on his shoulders isn’t an easy thing to do! Unfortunately, I fell into his trap again.
So it took me another year and a half with many, many traumas going up and down, emotional turmoils, physical breakdowns to finally let him go from my inner system and accept his twisted behavior, not trying to understand it but accepting it and let it go. That spider web was starting to fall off and that „cosmic, God-given connection” excuse wasn’t working anymore.
I started to understand that he was only having a love story with himself and his delusional inner scenario. Do you know what’s worse than having a relationship with a narcissist?! It’s having a relationship with a spiritual narcissist because he is living this love story with him/herself, and he/she’s using that “we are one” concept to feed up this illusion. We are all just one being, his/her being precisely said, ignoring the existence of any other human being. Probably the guy isn’t even fully aware of the pain he caused me and in his twisted reality, he gave himself all the right reasons for his behavior. It’s still funny to me how a so-called spiritual master can have the right words, the right energy, the right psychic gifts, the right mind set-up but at a closer look to see that is faking a spiritual personality?
I found out he was keeping me away from my own mission, disempowering myself, draining me out of energy while pretending he was helping me. I’m still collecting my inner power which I have given to anyone anyhow. I’m still learning about firmness and healthy boundaries since his dual behavior continues by saying that he loves me while lying and always taking care to be the poor victim and the one who’s making sacrifices.
Next time I’ll meet some self-proclaimed illuminated persons or on the way to becoming one, I’ll run for sure. Illuminated means to have a light body. So if they don’t have a light body, they are not illuminated. Easy-peasy!
Someone should tell these people that they cannot consciously hurt others, lie, and manipulate, and then simply do some spiritual work to cleanse the dysfunctional energy they’ve created. Something similar to those domestic violence cases where the husband beats the wife to nurture and love her after the beat, only in our case is emotional abuse. Their dysfunctional dual behavior reminds me every day to unify even more my being and stop the duality within, align myself, trust my inner guidance, give my power to no one.
His presence into my life shifted my interest and focus towards my inner core so probably will do the same for others while he and others like him are still organizing healing workshops and retreats around the world. Or maybe they will finally win their inner battles with their demons and align themselves, expressing those spiritual gifts in a more productive way, less egoic ones, who knows?
God works in mysterious ways, isn’t it?
If this happened to you also…
Maybe it’s time to reconsider your life scenario and write your own script. Set healthy boundaries, don’t fall again for that “cosmic lovers” concept – most people are using it to cover huge emotional issues. I’m not saying a cosmic bond is impossible for everyone, but before re-entering into something so powerful like this, practice presence, notice everything, be aware and pay attention to the smallest details, make sure you’re grounded. Just listen and watch, observe the person. Remember most narcissists are extremely wise and intelligent, having amazing manipulative skills and colorful past, maybe ADHD or OCD in their medical records. Otherwise, it’s very hard to notice the narcissist’s lies since he/she believes its own lies – will give you details, will be in control of the situation.
If this didn’t happen to you…
It might not be too late! So be present in everything you do, set healthy boundaries, grow your self-love and self-esteem, ground yourself and stand in your own inner power. Take this story as a warning signal.
Reiki blessings to you all!
When I read this article was like it was written especially for me so I wanted to share the insights with our community to raise awareness regarding this “immortal, deep, never-ending, divine” type of relationships. The first part is like a summary of the article while the other one shares my personal story.
Free eBook download: We’ve created an eBook with our best articles on this topic, and offer it for free to all our newsletter subscribers. Click the image below to subscribe and download the PDF:
Anna Marks is part of the Reiki Rays Team since 2016. She is a freelance writer and a freelance soul. Although she got in touch with many healing methods and teachings, her journey made her realize we are our own authority and there is only one Truth that unite us all – unconditional love. She has only one thought for you – Learn to love yourself just as much as God loves you. Reach Anna at firstname.lastname@example.org.