Article by Tammy Hatherill, Reiki Master
So many children grow up in homes where there is emotional, mental and physical abuse. I was one of these children, although my father will never be able to admit this to himself, let alone me. Mum has always been too weak to stand up for herself against him, let alone for us children, and so in my household it was always “walking on egg shells” as we never knew what sort of mood Dad would be in.
Please know as you read this story, I have been sending Reiki back in time for all the events mentioned throughout the article, as a way to commence healing for myself first and foremost and for the other victims and for the abusers.
One of the worst floggings of my life occurred when I was about 6 or 7 years old. As kids do, they mimic their parents and Dad was a heavy, heavy smoker, indoors and outdoors he always had a cigarette hanging out of his mouth, and so a group of kids stole a packet and went into the bush and were attempting to smoke. Not that we would have achieved much, but we had a great time feeling all grown up. Then with the lighter, I lit a leaf and before I knew it a massive fire commenced. We all fled and my sister and I hid, terrified of going home, knowing the rage Dad would be in.
I had every right to be terrified because I was flogged with a great big long and thick stick. Dad was in the garden pretending to ‘tidy up and pick up leaves’ and when we came into the yard the bellowing began. He was always a bellower…. Even before this particular flogging came, I was always terrified of the man. At such a young age, I was already prone to ‘rounded shoulders’ because I was so scared and lived in fear that I tried to curl up within myself and become invisible. He was always screaming at me to ‘pull your shoulders back’… What child understand the meaning of this. So many times I had no idea what he wanted of me, I was just being yelled at. Same as I never understood what he meant when he’d scream at me that ‘You have a chip on your shoulder’. I remember literally thinking I had something on my shoulder and so I swiped at my shoulder to remove it, and was belted for being rude. As a young child, I truly did not understand what a ‘chip on the shoulders’ meant, nor what he was bellowing about ‘pull your shoulders back’. He terrified me and I HATED him.
On this occasion, after causing a fire when smoking in the bushes, I was bashed so severely around me legs with a massive stick that my bowls opened up and I defecated. I was absolutely terrified and the physical pain was so bad that I went into shock. Mum did nothing to protect me instead embarrassed me more by telling Dad I had ‘crapped’ my pants. I was highly embarrassed, mortified, terrified and the hate I had always felt for the man set in so deeply, it’s unlikely I’ll ever fully forgive.
Dad was clever though and the bruises and three massive whip marks along my legs were hidden beneath my clothes. To the outside world, Dad was a happy and jolly person, and my cousins used to think he’d be such a cool father to have. How wrong they were, he always became a different person when others were around and I hated him so much for it. So fake and so endearing to those who only saw him every now and again.
Mum and Dad did nothing when I told them about being molested in a cupboard by a teenage boy, who’s father had put on a BBQ. In later years their excuse was ‘we didn’t know. We thought he only kissed you.’ HELLO is it ok for a teenage boy to be kissing a kid in a cupboard???
My sister would escape this world by living in fantasy and escaping to her friend’s house almost every weekend. I was left at home to hear Mum, every single day without fail, moan and groan about Dad and how he had got them into such terrible financial issues. By this stage I was about 12 and every day of my teenage years, I heard only negatives about Dad and how he financially ruined us. We were living in poverty because of him.
I used to pray that he’d die in a car accident on the way home, because him coming home from the shop he owned, was terrifying… more often than not he’s be in a foul mood. I now understand why I was so affected by his negativity, his silence treatments if we didn’t agree with him or did something he disproved of etc, and it’s because I’m an empath and can feel feel feel energy and when it’s negative it’s overwhelming. No wonder I was fat. I was attempting to protect myself from him.
So you can imagine the wonder and joy I felt when I got my first serious boyfriend at the age of 17… and he was six years older. I had an escape – although I didn’t realize that’s what it was, I just knew how much I loved this fellow. He became my world. For the first time in my fat little life, I was loved by a man. I was treated with respect and doted upon. Something I’d never received from my father. Needless to say, a few years later when the relationship ended it was probably the most traumatic thing I had ever been through. I literally just wanted to end my own life. It was devastating. I had lost the love of the only man who had ever ever ever loved me.
So let’s fast forward to the present moment as you get the drift of abuse, and me being the spiritual person I am, I have done everything in my power to still help my parents, by buying a house at 21 so they would have a roof over their heads etc…however I have now walked away from my parents and my sister, the reason being the cycle of abuse is continuing with my sister and spiritually, emotionally and financially I just can’t help them anymore. They are damaging me beyond belief and I respect myself to not put myself through any more.
My sisters had a recent marriage break up, about two years ago and because we were raised with no life skills what so ever (with an abusive father and a pathetically weak mother) – she has resorted to bashing her children and emotionally abusing them by screaming profanities at them like “I wish I had of aborted you.” Her house is a pigsty and dishes are piled high and it’s really disgusting. Like Dad though my sister is soooo good at hiding the truth and people on the outside look in and think she’s so strong and coping so well and the kids are well loved. It’s a completely different story behind closed doors.
With Mum and Dad doing nothing, I took things upon myself and reported my sister to the authorities and also contacted her doctor and psychologist begging for help to get her sorted out.
As I always the case when dealing with an abuser, she would not hear that her behavior was inappropriate and wrong and so started calling me horrendous names and having her friends begin to call me horrendous names publicly on facebook and slandering me. I was speaking the truth and coming from a place of wanting to get her help.
However because I am so so so so angry with her still for the lifetime of pain she’s now inflicted on her children (I would know with how I feel about Dad and the abuse he dished out, and even how I feel about Mum and her weakness) and because I won’t accept her written note which came with money she owed me, I am being classed as the horrible daughter and inflicting more pain on my sister. What my parents tend to forget is that years ago when I was going through so much anguish, my sister refused to accept an apology from me (and she has yet to apologize for anything) and my sister slammed the door in my face back then, but that was perfectly ok with my parents as they never wrote to her and told her that ‘Tammy is going through Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and what you are doing is making her so much worse and your vitriol is unacceptable’… no they never pulled her into line, but what I have received is a full page email from dad ALL IN CAPITAL LETTERS outlining what a mongrel I am and all the bad relationships I’ve ever had and how my life was one of conflict and mayhem in my early years. HELLO is there any wonder to this when he created me with his abuse and lack of teaching me any life skills whatsoever. Of course, I had to fumble through life making mistake after mistake after mistake, until now in my 40’s I’m getting there.
What has made me walk away from my parents and my sister is Dad’s remark that all of my clients would leave me, just as that first serious boyfriend did, if they knew how I treated family. Knowing how seriously devastated I was over that breakup (although he wouldn’t be wise enough to know it was because it was the first time I ever felt love from a male) and how close I came to ending my life because of it, shows me just what nasty man my father is.
Simply because I state my opinion of what a monster I feel my sister is (for doing what she’s done despite if she gets help now, because unfortunately for those children the damage is done), my parents feel I should just forgive and move on… they are conveniently forgetting my sister never accepted an apology from me a few years before and slammed the door in my face and spread rumors throughout her family/children what a horrible person “Aunty Tammy” is.
Yes my parents tend to forget all the lack of support I got from my sister and expect me to be there for her, even though it was me who instigated the help she is now getting, and despite the fact I live thousands of kilometres away and in a different state. It was me who instigated the help because mum and dad ‘didn’t’ want to get involved’ and allowed the generational abuse to continue. Shame on them. I am allowed to be very very angry, that the cycle of violence is continuing on down to another generation. YES I am angry and YES I am allowed to be. However I use Reiki every day on myself to help deal with these emotions and the anger that bubbles up every time I think about the abuse that keeps on happening generation after generation.
Another thing Dad threw in my face in HIS EMAIL WRITTEN IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS is that my clients would never come back for treatments if they knew how I treated family. For starters, my clients want to hear what I have to say and pay for my professional abilities. Family just expect it and give nothing back in exchange, and more often than not treat me as though I have no idea or skills what so ever. If I do give hypnotherapy or Reiki or tarot, it’s taken for free and nothing given back. So again, writing such horrendous things and bringing my clients and professional life into the family drama is an act of his bullying and his abusive ways!
Yes you’ll read and feel the hurt and disappointment I’ve been through over my life, BUT since the 1st January 2017 I am now free, because I have made the decision to walk right out of the lives of my parents, who are perpetual victims and my sister who is receiving help for her abusive ways. It’s a shame my father never took responsibility for his abuse and got help as well, but he’ll never be able to admit he’s an abuser. There will be all the excuses under the sun for his behavior. It’s a shame Mum never got help for her inability to speak up or even speak the truth of her mind.
I have sent and continue to send Reiki back into the past for every moment along my timeline for when I was abused physically, emotionally and mentally by my parents and even my sister. I send Reiki back in time to when I may have been mean and uncaring towards people due to my upbringing. I send so so so much love and Reiki to the three children harmed by my sister, so the generational abuse STOPS with them. I hope so much they don’t go on to abuse children they have, and with the love of Reiki, I am positive it will stop here. I also send Reiki way back in time to heal my parents for their upbringings because abuse is often generational.
I don’t have respect for my parents which I know is sad, and I chose to walk away for my own sanity because I will not put myself through any more grief or to cop more accusations that I’m causing issues for my sister because of my opinion (they keep forgetting my sister caused me untold grief and refused to accept an apology from me years ago and my parents didn’t stand in for me and tell her how this was causing me so much further pain and anguish. My sister can’t bring herself to apologize now because she can’t see that one is deserved) … it’s always been her over and above me and I am strong enough now to walk away before I am exposed to more trauma caused by an abusive family, who can’t recognize this is what our family is.
Of course, I send them love and light and an abundance of healing, and yet I am walking away for my sanity and for my health and my wellbeing. My family is one of abusers and it’s generational. My family is also full of weak women and I refuse to be either an abuser or weak.
I may be the black sheep of the family and that is OK because I am one with insights and wisdom gained over the years and it helps me every single day to help others in my practice, without exposing myself to more emotional, mental and physical abuse by family members.
I trust this article helps you to understand how to send Reiki back to traumatic experiences and that it gives you the strength to know you don’t have to agree with your family or remain in contact with abusive households. The generational abuse can stop NOW!
You can do all this with love and light…. And on the quiet, it’s perfectly ok for you to get angry as well.
With much love, light and harmony!
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Tammy Hatherill is the owner/operator of Tammy’s Tarot and Healing. She is a well known Tarot and and Reiki Master/Teacher, and shared her love of tarot for over 12 months with a regular radio segment on 104.1 Territory FM. Tammy is the author of two books: Trapped Behind Bars and The Diary of a Fallen Angel, and is a journalist for numerous organisation: Reiki Rays, Tiny Buddha, Personal Growth and Hypnotherapy Journal Australia. You can find her website at www.tammystarotandhealing.com
and facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tammystarotandhealing/