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Reiki and Family Conflict

Article by Tammy Hatherill, Reiki Master

It saddens me that sometimes families don’t get along and I think it’s mostly is for a reason. I strongly believe that each person is born into a family to learn valuable life lessons. These lessons come in the form of conflict as well as love. Past life issues may also resurface in current lives. It’s an intricate web of deep meaning, when conflicts arise. Reiki can be so helpful in dealing with family drama.

Two of my radio clients recently, were discussing family issues and conflict. One was an adult woman whose mother drives her crazy. The mother doesn’t communicate with her daughter for months on end, and then when she does, expects her daughter to drop everything and be there for her. The other radio client was a mother, whose daughters won’t talk to her or have anything to do with her. Both ladies were in deep pain because of these family conflicts.

I myself, have issues with my family because no matter how often I try to describe my ‘experience’ within the family (from a sensitive person’s point of view) they become defensive and then attack with all the problems within our family are my fault, and its “Tammy with the issues.” For me it’s much easier not to deal with any of them and simply send Reiki, love and light.

midnight sun

Image by osef.stuefer

Needless to say, someone in the family is always going to be hurt. For me it was growing up with hurt and rejection, and when I was old enough and brave enough to voice it, it didn’t go down well and it wasn’t received with acceptance. It was all in my head (apparently). This is a common occurrence in people who are stuck on the earthly plain and are not able to see past the 3rd dimension. They are unable to see past their own unfamiliarity and one can only feel sorry and hope they awaken soon.

I imagine also that the ladies, who called in to the radio station, would face denial from their family member, if they spoke of the pain they were experiencing. The mother who doesn’t speak to her daughter for months at time would probably be shocked that her actions hurt her daughter. She probably can’t see an issue with her behaviour! The children who won’t forgive their mother, for not being perfect years ago, may also be shocked that their inability to forgive is very painful and hurtful. Every single person has lessons here. Everyone!

What are the lessons? This would vary from family to family to family. My lesson is that just because I am a sensitive and loving soul, and wasn’t much loved by my sister growing up or my father; I am still an amazing person. They can’t see ‘how’ they hurt me, because they believe they did love me. The treatment I received and my perception and memory is very different and very real. Their lesson is to one day recognise or acknowledge my pain, and put their hand up to having contributed to the pain.

Another lesson for me is to acknowledge that sometimes people simply cannot see the pain they inflict on others, and simply will never acknowledge it because in their heads they are ‘right’ and I am ‘wrong’. It’s not about right and wrong for me. All I want is a simply acknowledgment and not the constant criticism that because I’m sensitive, I’ve imagined it all and I’m the black sheep of the family for causing issues. I now accept I’ll never get this need met, because they can’t see it for what it is. That’s a lesson. I’ve learned to accept that my point of view will never be seen or validated. I’m now ok with it.

Flamingos' heart

Image by OmarRiva

Have a look within your own families and try to rise above the circumstances to see it from a higher perspective. Look down upon the family and see what the bigger picture is? Perhaps the mother, who had made some bad choices and decisions, from the radio, might need to learn that people take time in forgiving. Her children might need to learn that people can change and become better? Maybe there needs to be give and take on both sides? There are many reasons for conflict within a family and I do believe it stems from learning lessons and even past life karma and events.

For my own circumstance, I have used Reiki to help overcome my pain. I send Reiki out every single day to the family. I send love and light, to them and to myself, my husband and our puppies. There is nothing more powerful than love. Yes it’s essential for me not to communicate with them because of the frustrations they cause me, but I can and do send out love, love, love. When I have no choice but to communicate, I also do self-reiki before and after, to cope with the emotions that surface.

I’ve also sent Reiki back to the past to help smooth over issues and concerns from the moment of my birth. I’ve even sent Reiki further back to deal with any unresolved past life concerns. There is nothing that Reiki can’t assist with, in my humble opinion. I’ve even asked one of the Reiki Masters who has completed her courses with me, to perform a cord cutting exercise for me. I have asked her to cut the cords I have to my mother, father and sister. This doesn’t mean I don’t love them, it just means the energy they suck from me, will be stopped, and I can get on with life in a much easier and healthy manner.

This cord cutting session is yet to be done, however I look forward to it.

So from this article, I hope you understand that just because we practice Reiki and are practitioners and masters, it does not make us immune from unpleasant things, especially family connections. What Reiki enables us to do is deal with the situations in a more productive manner.

With love, light and harmony.
Tammy Hatherill

Tammy Hatherill

Tammy Hatherill

Tammy Hatherill is the owner/operator of Tammy’s Tarot and Healing. She is a well known Tarot and and Reiki Master/Teacher, and shared her love of tarot for over 12 months with a regular radio segment on 104.1 Territory FM. Tammy is the author of two books: Trapped Behind Bars and The Diary of a Fallen Angel, and is a journalist for numerous organisation: Reiki Rays, Tiny Buddha, Personal Growth and Hypnotherapy Journal Australia. You can find her website at www.tammystarotandhealing.com
and facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tammystarotandhealing/

 

{ 27 comments… add one }
  • Helen September 6, 2014, 3:40 pm

    Thank you for your lovely article.
    I strongly believe that the child that choses the parent so that we may learn the lessons required, dramas and all. It is sad and painful when conflict arises and at times all we can do is walk away. We cannot influence someonelse’s freewill and as you say we can only send distant healing to the past and believe that all is as planned. Chord cutting is amazing, you will notice the difference.
    Not having the best of upbringings myself and having spent much time on self healing and deep spiritual work, I have come to realise that the ONLY person responsible for my happiness is me. It takes time to accept this, and still does not remove the sting when someone does say or do something that hurts, but at least I can take the stand point of an impartial observer, first checking if I have caused any of the hurt, if not to walk away. I find most of the problems stem from a lack of self worth, needing others approval, so plenty of work on the solar plexus also helps.
    Love and light to you x

    • Glenda September 7, 2014, 1:06 am

      So well said Helen! Absolutely so spot on about the self worth and approval. It all takes time and that is what makes our journey so amazing. If we can help our family grow by sending Reiki then that is a gift and the Reiki energy comes back to us ……… but at the same time we are not responsible for their happiness. I have let my sister go also……..

  • Kim Roadley September 6, 2014, 4:13 pm

    I have tried my best with my family, took the insults and hurt from one particular family member causing all the negativity, who it seems can do no wrong.i have walked away from it all now.i send Reiki to them all. And try not to feel negative towards them ,I can do no more than that……

  • Tammy Hatherill - Reiki Master September 6, 2014, 11:40 pm

    Dear Helen and Kim, thank you both for you lovely comments! Helen you are right and I also believe we as children chose beforehand, which family we are born into or raised in, to learn the lessons. Kim I understand completely about the family member who can do no wrong. In my case that’s my sister. For some reason my parents are blind to her negativity. I’ve tried for 37 years, and have walked away. Sending love, love, love and that is all I can do. Big hugs to both you Helen and you Kim. Tammy xxxx

  • Glenda September 7, 2014, 12:52 am

    Enjoyed the article Tammy. I am inspired to send Reiki to my sister for her whole life today. A honshazeshonen may be in order ! Glenda xo

  • Justine September 7, 2014, 6:25 pm

    This article has come at the most perfect time <3
    I have been struggling with sending love to my mom & sister….. like I KNOW I should!!
    I feel that I focus on the fact that my mother could hurt her child so bad…..mom's are just not supposed to do that!
    I feel guilt that my life is less stressful, now that I no longer let her actions or words hurt me.
    I never send negative thoughts…….but I am just not ready to send love.
    This article just gave me hope that I will get there someday…now maybe sooner <3

  • Kim Roadley September 7, 2014, 6:30 pm

    I left my sister 25 years ago after a childhood and early adulthood where what ever she did was ok.her venom is second to none.but recently she has resurfaced and even tried to start an argument the moment after my poor step dad passed from cancer.i left the house right there and then.my mom can’t see what she is doing,so I have had to leave them both behind now.i still send them reiki I try not to be negative.i hold no grudges.i surround myself with protection to avoid any more unpleasantness……

    • Tammy Hatherill - Reiki Master September 7, 2014, 10:12 pm

      Dear Glenda, Justine and Kim, thank you for your comments. I send love and light to all of you. It’s sometimes a necessity to cut certain family member out of your life, for your own health and well being, and sometimes your mental health. Unfortunately not everyone understands this, so please don’t become disheartened if friends say things such as “you really should try to mend the relationship”… because as we know, we can only bash our heads against a brick wall for so long. Kim I really resonate with your comment as my sister can NEVER do any wrong and her actions are not viewed negatively by my parents. It’s very sad that whenever I raise it, I’m the one with the issues. It’s really sad, so I’m now at the point that I’m looking after me. I send love, love, love and hope that perhaps in the spirit world, they’ll be able to see more clearly and I have no doubt we’ll have a better relationship then, rather than now. Love to all. Tammy xxx

  • Kim September 9, 2014, 5:52 am

    Thank you Tammy, I struggle to understand how I can cut them out of my life and still be a good person. I really can’t be involved in the negative energy.i don’t wish them any harm or harbour nasty thoughts I still love my mom dearly. As far as karma goes am I doing the right thing?

    • Tammy Hatherill - Reiki Master September 9, 2014, 1:07 pm

      Hi Kim, if you can’t cut your family off, that’s totally understandable as it’s an extremely diffiuclt and heart wrenching thing to do, even if the need is for your own health and mental well being. Of course you don’t wish them harm or nasty thoughts. If you cut them off, you might like to send them love and light every single day, and say a prayer for them. I don’t belive karma would punish you for looking after yourself and still sending love every day. I love my family dearly, however the constant battle to be understood with them, is to much energy. I can’t continue doing it for my health and well being. Instead I send a bucketful of love, every single day. It’s the only way to love them and keep my sanity. Does this help? Love, light and harmony. Tammy x

  • Trudy - Reiki Master/Teacher September 9, 2014, 2:20 pm

    Thank you Tammy – I am in somewhat the same situation, but different. There are people in my life that I completely (as much as I possibly can, knowing that there WILL be times I do have to be in their company – but know that I do not have to interact with them or acknowledge their negativity), cut out for the very reason that it is what makes MY life a much more harmonious one, and allows me to focus on the here & now, as well as be very open to the future & aware of bad intentions. In some cases, I find that all the love in the world can not help some people, some people will just drain the energy (energy vampires) so I send love, light & positivity to those who want – need, accept it. I have thought of cord cutting as well, but am a little leary, as with every action there is a reaction (as we all know) – these people came into my life for a reason/lesson that I will NEVER understand, perhaps it is not even my reason/lesson – perhaps it is theirs – and I am just afraid that by severing the cord, I may be severing the connection to those that I love, as they too are connected….. your thoughts?

    • Tammy Hatherill - Reiki Master September 9, 2014, 10:08 pm

      Hi Trudy, it’s a hard one, isn’t it. Gosh human relationships would be the most complex and difficult sometimes, and at other times the most loving and rewarding. With the cord cutting, it’s my understanding, that it severs the cord, which stops the draining of energy. It doesn’t make the person completely disappear from your life. It stops the emotional drain that occurs. So I think it’s a worthwhile exercise, however you must be comfortable. If you are not, then best to leave and perhaps mediate over? Sending love and light to you. Kim, my pleasure to give you words of advice that hopefully help and assist. With warm hugs. Tammy xxx

  • Kim September 9, 2014, 5:28 pm

    Hi Tammy, yes I have had to cut them off, as you say for my own sanity.i hold no grudge.i will continue to send love and light to them.thank you for your kind words and guidance xxxxx

  • CC September 29, 2014, 12:13 am

    CAN I SEND REIKI EVEN IF I DONT HAVE THAT PERSON(S) AUTHORIZATION?

    • Tammy Hatherill - Reiki Master September 29, 2014, 12:42 am

      Hi CC, if you don’t have their permission physically, as in they’ve said “yes, please send me Reiki”, you will need to ask ‘the universe’ if you are allowed to send Reiki, and trust you will receive a definite ‘yes’ or ‘no’. You could simply say something along the lines of: “Dear Universe, please may I send Reiki to my family?” Then trust how you feel after asking. I hope this helps. Tammy xx

  • jody October 8, 2014, 1:26 am

    Wow and wow this describes me to a tee. It happened again today with other circumstances. Got told to get into the back seat. I cut contact with my family for a while in the past and ready to do it again. I continue to heal with Reiki and send it to the past as well. I am grateful to have come across this article. Namaste.

    • Tammy Hatherill - Reiki Master October 8, 2014, 10:26 am

      Hi Jody, sorry to hear that you’ve been through similar. I think many people can relate unfortunately and yet, there are such valuable lessons in these circumstances, when we can move past the emotional pain. Sending you lots of love. Tammy xxx

  • Rebecca Lonsdale November 8, 2014, 3:21 pm

    Thank you Tammy!!! The timing of this article is spot on for me!! Whoah..lol!! I can relate to everything you wrote, and I haven’t met many people who can understand why I’ve established healthy boundaries between myself, and my parents and sister. It never meant that I loved them any less, I just had a quieter space to breath and heal. This also allowed me to feel like I was in a much safer space emotionally (I still, sometimes, can not believe that I had the ability to create this space, these boundaries the whole time!). This allows me to work through my old patterns of behavior, and break a cycle where I often felt as though what I was doing, was not enough. Although, I do not think that my sister agrees with this emotional boundary(and actually thinks its a vindictive act on my part), I maintain it with light and love; and feel quite settled with the whole thing. Not to say that this boundary is tested over and over again, it is sometimes not easy for sure. I still return to a safer/quieter space, and that always feels right for me. Thank you so very much for sharing your story!!! I didn’t know, that I needed to hear a story like that. My heart is smiling! Thank you! Sending you lots and lots of light, love, positivity, and gratitude. xoxoxo You’re words and experiences helps me to process my family situation (s), it feels good to relate to someone who can verbalize Reike application and family challenges. Thank you 🙂

    • Tammy Hatherill - Reiki Master November 8, 2014, 8:46 pm

      Hi Rebecca… I enjoyed reading your comment very much. I am thrilled that you’ve been able to keep a safe boundary and distance and that you are OK with this. If your sister thinks it’s vindictive, I feel that says something about her mind and her way of thinking. I’m glad my journey has helped reinforce your own decisions. Keep shining your light. With much love, light and harmony. Tammy xxx

      • Rebecca Lonsdale November 9, 2014, 1:18 pm

        Thank you so much for your support Tammy! I agree with your comments about my sisters’ way of thinking, I feel that it is like a matriarch mentality..but the bossy kind. lol. I read through the other comments above, and thought of the dynamic relationships between women..mothers, daughters, and sisters. I’ve thought of ‘cutting them out’ of my life as well, but I haven’t. I felt that what has been working for me was, a safe emotional boundary. I stay in this space, and I remembered how hard it was in the beginning to establish this boundary; to release the guilt that I was feeling, because I was not giving in to what my mom and sister wanted. I felt like I was not a good daughter, and not a good sister. I even questioned myself “am I so selfish”?. When I look back now, to the progress that I’ve made, I realized that the shifting of energy and focus had occurred (Thank the Lord! lol!!). I focused less on their behaviour and more on positivity and my own healing needs. (this took practice, and it does get better….I felt like I was moving at a snails pace in the beginning..lol..it needed to be gradual for me, and not a quick/sudden change). I took my time, and the consistency (of meditation, Reike, and loads of tears) has been really good for me. I don’t feel guilty anymore, I feel more compassion for them. I don’t feel selfish, because I know I am sending them love. I did not know that I would feel more compassion for them (!)..lol..funny thing to learn..but it is so true. I thought that I would repel them with positivity to a far away place..lol!! I have just restricted their access to my space; and I have not removed them out of my life; if i later feel that I need to cut them off, I know that I can. At this time for me, it is not necessary. Something else that I’ve learned as well, is that I’m less angry with them, therefore, I react less to invitations for arguments, removing myself from that cycle. I love my mom and my sister very much; I just refuse to participate in a negative cycle that had been well established. Peace! I feel humbled and empowered at the same time. How cool is that! Like, I’m doing a lot of emotional work, but I am sitting still at the same time. I’m also surprised with myself, that I feel ok with all of it. I’m so glad that I’ve seen other peoples’ experiences through this site that I can relate to. Thank you to all of you, and send all of you light, love, and positivity. Thank you kindly. xo

  • Colette November 10, 2014, 5:02 am

    After reading a few comments about this, I truly appreciate knwoing that I am not the only person who has gone through this. I also do Reiki and Therapeutic Touch and have sent either at various times. So grateful for Learning these modalities.

    • Tammy Hatherill - Reiki Master November 10, 2014, 7:54 am

      Hi Colette, thanks for leaving a message. Big hugs to you… AND you are definitely not alone in this type of family issue. I hope you are doing well with it. Love, light and harmony. Tammy xxx

  • Kaneez December 6, 2014, 11:59 am

    CAN I SEND REIKI WLTH OUT PERMISSION& AUTHORIZATION?
    BECAUSE MY FAMILY THEY DONT BELIVE REIKY ?THEY THOUGHT ALL IS TEAVLR COMING FROM MY HEALING I KNOW THAY DONT EXCEPT MY HILING ,ON MATTER WHAT THEY THOUGHT I KIPE DOING &SENDING love & LIGHT .THEY HAVE LOT OFF TROBTE IN THERE LIFE I SEND LOVE THEY SEND HEAT .PLZ LET ME KNOW WHAT CAN I DO I AM GRTING SEEK ?PLZ PRAY FOR ME AND MY FAMILY.

    • Tammy Hatherill - Reiki Master December 7, 2014, 12:10 am

      Hi Kaneez, I’m so sorry to hear that you family is going through a lot of trouble! Yes you can still send Reiki without their permission, as long as you gain permission from ‘source’. Just ask “dear Source, may I please send Reiki to my family – and if they don’t want to receive the energy, for it to go into the gardens, trees and plants surrounding them”…. and you will receive intuitively an answer of either yes or no. Big hugs. Tammy xx

  • Brinda February 15, 2015, 5:23 pm

    Hello,

    I read your article very informative. I am in a problem hope you can help me. I met lady on FB she calls herself Dakini devotee of Buddha. While talking to her she gave me Reiki symbol and asked me to always keep it will help in trouble. But slowly her real side started coming out she started creating distance between me and my partner also friends and family. She says I stay with her as I am from her past. And during certain time of day I feel sensation on my 3rd eye. She had asked my permission for healing and I said yes but now when I came to know reality I asked her to stop giving healing but still does. And trying hard to take me with her, she says because she wants liberation she is doing. Please help I am serious danger and don’t know what to do? And whom to contact.

  • Angela Meehan July 1, 2018, 4:53 am

    I feel for you Tammy as I too am Super sensitive and have past & present issues with family members. I’m sending Reiki to the present one but till reading this I never thought to send it back to past issues so thank you for writing this article and I spend blessings to you and your family in love and light.

    • Tammy Hatherill July 1, 2018, 9:41 am

      Hi Angela, thanks for your comments. This article was written back in 2014 and I”m pleased to say life with my family is awesome and has been for a few years 🙂 Its amazing what healing to the past can do. I wish you well on your journey xxx

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