Article by Tammy Hatherill, Reiki Master
This is quite a personal journey for me. I used to only feel good when others said nice things about me, invited me to their lunches and get togethers. My self-worth and self-esteem was attached to the opinions and actions of others. Therefore if I was ever excluded or ‘left-out’ my mood would plummet dramatically, and for days and sometimes weeks or months, I would replay negative self-talk. “I’m not good enough. They don’t like me.” The sad thing is I used to BELIEVE this negative self-talk.
A really big example of this ostracisation is when I was considering doing my Reiki Masters. I was going to do this through a beautiful and soulful girlfriend of mine. I thought she was simply magical and perfect for me. There were other Masters in my area, but for one reason or another I wasn’t drawn to them. One was a drinker and smoker, and another I felt uncomfortable with, and were not practicing what they would be teaching.
This girlfriend of mine, I thought was amazing and so right for me….. Then we had a disagreement. The subject was about something of extreme importance to me and for the first time I felt judgement and criticism. This potential teacher did not give me space or time to digest her criticisms about my stance and opinion, and within a few days after the altercation (if one can even call it that) she decided that she was not going to teach me Reiki Masters “because I don’t feel you will listen to me Tammy.”
Well that sent me into an emotional roller coaster. More so, after that I was never again invited to any Reiki Share nights, and many of the Reiki people in that lineage, never bothered with me again. It was a heart-wrenching taste of ostracisation from a group of people who are meant to love, care and share. I was gutted beyond belief. I was astounded that a group could hear one side of the story and then cut me off. The hurt and the pain were intense and unreal.
Don’t forget my self-worth and self-esteem were still wrapped up in what people thought of me, and suddenly this ‘friend’ didn’t think I was worthy enough to be a student of hers because I held a strong opinion and belief about a subject I knew inside out and had firsthand experience with, whereas she did not. Her information only came from other sources. My friend did not like my opinion and some of the things I was doing because of this opinion and experience. Instead of HELPING me through it and TEACHING me another way, she gave me two days after ‘reprimanding me like I was a little child’, to digest her words, and in those two days, she deemed me unfit to be her student.
My whole self-worth plummeted. It plummeted more when other ‘Reiki’ professionals followed her lead and I was never again invited ANY of their events, and in-fact I know (without a shadow of a doubt) that things have been done, and it was made certain “Tammy” wasn’t invited. I even had a person lie to me and cancel a planned event with me, to attend another one, of which I wasn’t invited. The lies used to hurt also because it’s challenged my intelligence.
My belief in the Reiki world began to crumble. Then I found the courage from somewhere to really shine!! I suggest this courage came from doing self-reiki every day. I grew tall and finally have my Reiki Master Certificate through another and more beautiful teacher. She is not connected with the Reiki group in my home-town. I had to take this road on my own as no-one was embracing me anymore. I had offended one and in doing so, lost many who never heard from me nor my side of the story. I was cast out and cast aside… but I wouldn’t let that hold me down forever.
Don’t get me wrong, it took a lot of soul searching and strength to get through this. There were many tears, because I held this old friend on a pedestal and used to think she was the epiphany of what a teacher should be. She turned out to be far from that. Then she began to say things like I was stalking her and spreading horrible un-truths about me. This was far from actuality. Granted she did receive some group emails sent to my mail list. That was it. It wasn’t stalking but she spread lies and toxicity. It hurt and was sad.
It was an extremely painful lesson in ostracisation (by a Reiki community in my area) and now I have learned that my own self-worth and self-esteem come from WITHIN me. I can now look back and be so thankful for that experience. It was hard but the lesson was beautiful for me to realise I had to learn the hard way, that I must see the potential in me, and not receive it externally. Even those who are meant to love unconditionally and not judge may still do this. No-one is above human ego, and I’ve come to realise the Reiki Master who hurt me is human. She has an ego, just as I do and just as you do. It was her ego reacting to my initial stance that she didn’t like. It was her ego that felt she must be ‘listened to’ and since I wasn’t going to, she didn’t want me as a student. It was my ego that was bruised when she concluded this.
Every day, I practice self-reiki and it helps with inner growth and self-development. I know how far I’ve come with the ostracisation dilemma, because I’ve had another and more recent experience of being intentionally “left out.”
There are two female friends and I, who catch up for lunch on occasion. We take it in turns to pay. First time one of them paid, and then I, and so the next lunch the other lady would. I was recently in touch with them trying to organise a lunch. I was happy and excited and had so much to share with them. I was really looking forward to it. They were saying that as one had a new job they didn’t know when it would be and there were other reasons it wasn’t happening. Then I find out, that not even 3 or 4 days after my suggestion, they went to lunch together. I wasn’t there. I wasn’t invited.
This would have devastated me in the past. Just as the Reiki Master and her fellow Reiki Practitioners had. I’m so happy to announce that with self-reiki and understanding myself and understanding people better, I wasn’t hurt. Not even a sad emotion rose to the surface. I thought, “well OK – that happens in life. They obviously didn’t want me there. And I’m OK with that.”
I realise that I prefer not to associate with people who really don’t want me around. If I am not good enough for them, whether it’s to teach me Reiki or to have lunch with, it’s their loss. It does not make me a bad person. Obviously there was some lesson to learn from having them in my life, and if that lesson is learned people will drop out of my life.
This insight and this strength has come from studying Reiki. I encourage everyone who struggles with such things as self-worth and self-esteem issues, and who struggle big time with what others think of them and the feelings of ostracisation, to have a Reiki treatment with a Practitioner, or if you are attuned, give Reiki to yourself every single day. You won’t regret it. Only wonderful and good things can come from a daily treatment.
You are so worthwhile.
With love, light and harmony.
Tammy Hatherill is the owner/operator of Tammy’s Tarot and Healing. She is a well known Tarot and and Reiki Master/Teacher, and shared her love of tarot for over 12 months with a regular radio segment on 104.1 Territory FM. Tammy is the author of two books: Trapped Behind Bars and The Diary of a Fallen Angel, and is a journalist for numerous organisation: Reiki Rays, Tiny Buddha, Personal Growth and Hypnotherapy Journal Australia. You can find her website at www.tammystarotandhealing.com
and facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tammystarotandhealing/