In any professional relationship in which there is a power imbalance, it’s considered a breach of ethics – with good reason – for the party with the greater power to use the relationship to advance their own agenda.
The Reiki professional relationship is, of course, no different. In fact, because of the degree of vulnerability for the recipient and the element of intimacy entailed (to an extent) between client and practitioner, you could argue that, with Reiki (as with other forms of hands-on healing), the importance of adhering to this code of ethics is greater.
As practitioners, we need to be vigilant about not taking advantage of this vulnerability or intimacy for our own benefit. The power to channel Reiki is a gift and we have a responsibility to exercise discernment and wisdom in how we use it. Forgetting that we are meant to act only as vessels and using it for anything other than the highest good of the recipient is not only an abuse of power and a violation of professional boundaries, but it also violates the pure essence of Reiki and the sacredness of the space created by a Reiki session.
Most of us understand this implicitly. But, sadly, understanding something doesn’t guarantee that we will always put it into practice. Reiki practitioners, after all, are only human.
So what do you do when you find yourself struggling to maintain this ethical boundary? When you find yourself in a situation where you know that it’s not just about the Reiki anymore and you have your own motives or agenda for wanting to conduct a session on a client (or anyone, really)?
I found myself in exactly this position when, in the early stages of my professional journey, I developed sexual feelings for a man I’d agreed to offer regular sessions. Below I share some insights and tips, based on that experience:
1. Get really honest with yourself.
Being honest about our hidden desires and feelings and the fact that they are what’s driving us is, of course, easier said than done. We (as human beings in general, not just Reiki practitioners) can be very good at concealing our true feelings and motives from ourselves; we are good at rationalizing and justifying our impulses and choices.
In such cases I have found it helpful to allow doubt or inner conflict to be my guide. When we experience inner conflict, it’s usually because deep down we know what’s right or true but we don’t want to acknowledge or accept it.
On the other hand, when a decision we’ve made is right for us, there is no inner debate or turmoil. We might not like it, but we will feel at peace with it, at the very least. Confusion and doubt arise when we start to come up with all these stories and justifications for why we should do something we know we shouldn’t (or vice versa).
Despite the turmoil they sow, justifications and rationalizations are easy to reach for. The truth they conceal is much harder to embrace, even though, ultimately, we feel more at peace when we do. And I’ve found that when I resist exploring or sitting with a particular feeling it’s usually a good sign that it contains a truth I need to face and is precisely where I need to look.
2. Allow the inappropriate feelings or motives to reveal to you what they need to.
The hidden motives or agenda that we have for our clients or recipients typically point to, or illuminate, our own unresolved traumas, issues or emotions. (As we know, the fact that we flow Reiki doesn’t wipe away all of our emotional baggage.)
This was definitely the case for me when I fell for the aforementioned Reiki recipient. I didn’t want to admit it to myself at first but it became quickly clear to me that a big part of the appeal of our sessions was that I got to be alone in a room with him. The situation was worsened by the fact that he was married.
He was also significantly older than me and more professionally established in the local wellness field – a field that I was looking to get established myself. And when I allowed myself to be honest with myself, I realized that I was projecting my power onto this man and that deeply intermingled with my feelings for him were my own feelings of vulnerability in the face of the daunting prospect of fully stepping into my role as a healer.
Fortunately, nothing inappropriate happened between us within or outside the treatment room. But I did go on to have 2 more sessions with him, knowing that what I was doing wasn’t quite right, before discontinuing the sessions altogether. This brings me to my next point…
3. Forgive yourself when you do fail.
There are no Reiki gods waiting to revoke your gift once you mess up :). On a more serious note: Reiki is a force of compassion, grace, and unconditional love and as healers we owe it to ourselves to embody and extend to ourselves this compassion and grace.
Ultimately, forgiveness (whether it’s for our own misdeeds or other people’s) is about squarely confronting the wrong or harm that’s been done and we cannot, of course, learn from our mistakes – and avoid making them again – if we’re not ready to face them.
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Remember that it’s through wrestling with ethical dilemmas that we develop a strong, authentic moral compass. We become more ethical beings, not by reading or memorizing moral edicts but by grappling, personally, with some difficult and uncomfortable moral questions and situations. So the fact that you find yourself in this situation is not necessarily a bad thing or a sign that you’re defective. Indeed, when handled well, such circumstances can teach us a lot about the kind of person we want to be.
Article by Thandiwe Msimuko
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Thandiwe Msimuko is a certified Usui Reiki Master from Zambia. She is also a devotee of Psychic Reiki – a form of Reiki based on the Mikao Usui Reiki Crystal of Awakening and popularised by Brett Bevell, the renowned American Reiki Master.
She was inspired to explore and share her gifts as a healer following the crucial role that Reiki played in helping her recover from her childhood sexual abuse trauma. It’s her hope to help similarly affected women find their way back to wholeness and harmony through the transformative power of Reiki.
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